In the Land of Twilight

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I think about you pretty much every day. :/

Every day I lose a little more of the person you fell in love with. Im becoming numb to this world. My apathy is over taking me. Its apparent what I had was what they call trur love and my heart no longer has the urge yo try.

so, i pretty much spend like an hour every day looking at your pictures just being sad.

and the feeling of being lonely is setting in. 

single life really isnt that bad, its just different

I like this new person i have become.

i just don’t really know what to do with myself now. to be honest, i just know that when the the days come where we would hang out and watch doctor who im going to die a little more on the inside. i need to learn to not be attached, to just let go like i use to. i use to be able to have no feelings and just skate by life not giving a fuck. but I just really thought to hard about a future with you to just watch it slip away slowly every day. Not sure what im going to do, I just know i love you Brea, saying that hurts me. because i know its over. forever and always always seems to have an ending for me that i do not want. i really need to just give up on “love” because it just ends with me in pain. i just seem to love the wrong people, whenever i fall in love there are always signs that its not going to be for forever. however i never listen to them. maybe i should just screw around and not worry with love. maybe i should join the marines and hopefully get deployed and die fighting. But how do you walk away from someone when they are everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner? its like im never going to find someone that meshes as well with me. this life just seems less worth living every time i get attached it is always dashed away. perhaps its me, perhaps im just not good enough. not sure what this means. but i wish things were different. i wish things could work out, but none the less i will miss you, dearly. and my heart will never fully heal from this wound. its funny i did just say love doesnt change people, its the heartbreak afterwards that does. i think i am experiencing that as we speak. is there even a point to this tumblr anymore. i use to log on to see sweet words from My Brea, but i doubt she will ever post again, so i guess….. this is my last post, theres no point in having this anymore. I fucking hate life and just wish it could all end.

What am I suppose to do now? Who is going to tell me they love me and say goodnight. I hate everything. I just want to be alone I guess. So I cant hurt again. I really cant take this anymore. Theres nothing to look forward too anymore. No reason to get out of bed. I just need to die snd get fhis over with. Theres no one here for me. Cant stop crying. I should of just killed myself jn 7th grade when I tried.

Lonely. Sad. Easing into “I dont care if I die” state of mind. If I lose brea I might aswell die across seas.

You really are becoming the shittiest girlfriend ive ever had